I have made a catastrophic mistake. I mean a FUCKING MAJOR mistake.

None of this nampy pampy horse shit like ‘Oh no, I seem to have emailed the person I happened to be insulting’, or ‘Oh no, I seem to have forgotten to put on my trousers and now I’m outside!’

No.

Believe me, this is much, much worse.

You know that rule that everyone generally knows… you know the one…

‘Thou shall not fool around with best friend of the opposite sex therefore completely ruining the best friendship a man and a woman can have’?????

Well I take it that you understand my predicument now.

Of course I fucking broke it!

He started it though. Him and his ‘moves’. Jesus talk about lack of subtlety! I wanted to laugh and say ‘Is that all you got Mr Swave’?

But no I sat there like a fucking idiot and let it happen.

You know what the worst thing is about this whole situation? The fact that it happened doesn’t even bother me, its what resulted from the hook up thats most mortifying. I’m going to set the scene so you can see for yourself.

Picture it. There we are, drinking and laughing at the tv, crashed out on the couch. He starts off with the whole ‘arm over the back of the couch’ move. The arm moves down to my arm and starts rubbing. At this stage I’m thinking ‘fuck it’ and cuddle on in. Cuddle cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss kiss. *yawn*  A ‘You coming to bed?’ from him, a ‘yeah sure’ from me. Go to bed. Things heat up. Yada yada yada.

No knocking of uglies by the way! Just want to make that clear!

Anyway, he’s entirely off the mark, I direct him, he pulls away, I look questionly at him, he says ‘your so funny’ and lies down on top of me. THATS IT!

I mean, I felt like tipping him on the shoulder and saying ‘are you actually going to finish that?!’

Seriously, what the fuck is that?!?!

He then rolls over and goes to sleep and fucking IGNORES me! This guy is my best friend! I can’t explain to you the humiliation and sadness that went through me as I fucking lay there. I heard him starting to snore and I had to just leave. I felt like such a cheap whore walking out of there. I can’t believe he did that to me. I mean, this is a guy who I trust with everything and he just completely fobs me off!

Doing that walk of shame at 5.30 in the morning and I didn’t even have an orgasm before hand to make it worth my fucking while. Mortifying!

Now I’m sitting at home, unable to sleep because I’m thinking of the ramifications of this. My best male friend had his mitts on my lady bits and awkwardness reins. What do you say to someone after that?! Fair enough, a one night stand! You can fuck them out straight after and never see them again, but someone you’ve known the best part of 8 years?!

Screwed. I am totally fucking screwed.

Say ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!

May 14, 2009

Well I did it. I took the plunge and finally went to the dentist. It’s a matter of urgency that I’ve managed to put off since November but since the pain is actually now occuring in my jaw instead of the gum itself, I decided enough was enough.

My past experiences with dentists haven’t been very good. I know most people say that but really, mine have been awful. I once got a filling before the anaesthetic had kicked in properly… she was a right bitch that dentist was. Knew what she was doing all right.

The time before that I went to the dentist and proceeded to fill all of my molars with truly beautiful silver fillings.

The time before that I was getting a tooth extraction and the fucker pulled so hard that the tooth snapped and got stuck in my gum. What then followed was a half an hour of rummaging around in my gum while the blood poured down my top and my teeth wedging on the dentists finger.

Now whoever reads this must think I brush my teeth with Red Bull or something, however dear readers, it is not true! My problem is that whenever I get stressed, sleepy, or even just out of boredom, I clamp down on my teeth. I mean really clamp down. This has caused my teeth to become as brittle as fuck.

Why do we even have teeth anyway? I mean, really. In that whole very quick process of evolution that took all of 10minutes, could we not have lost the choppers? If we had maybe just really hard gums or something! Or maybe if they were made out of bone instead of whatever the hell teeth are made of. It would save us, more importantly me, an awful lot of trouble. AND money! All they do is break or get infected!

So anyway. Now I’m left with a tough decision to make. Do I start taking the two sets of antibiotics that I was prescribed today or do I wait until Sunday to take them. There are two reasons why I want to wait.

1) Because I really want to go out this weekend and I have been warned twice by both the dentist and the pharmacist not to drink while on them as they make you feel very sick.

2) Because my surgical extraction is scheduled for Tuesday and if I was to leave it until Sunday to start taking my antibiotics, that means I can’t have the procedure done until Friday, making me miss a wedding and giving me less recovery time before I start back work on Sunday.

Keep in mind the wedding can be avoided anyway.

Damn! This is all just so confusing! I don’t know what to do… I think I may have to start taking them today though. My jaw bone is throbbing and the x-ray showed a really bad infection. The dentist said she was surprised that my jaw hadn’t swollen up already.

Crap.

Ok, I didn’t like the dentist before, but I fucking hate them now. Sixty euro to see them today and its going to be another TWO HUNDRED to get it removed. Yes, my tooth is that bad that it needs a surgical procedure to get it removed.

Yay.

This has just ruined my day. I was wearing my happy dress and everything!!! There better no be a picture of Rob and Kristen together today, I wouldn’t be able to handle the ramifications of it!

Ugh! I’m home from work and quite frankly I don’t want to go back. Its the Easter bank holiday here in Ireland and that gives the general public the god given right to become fucking assholes. Ah yes, it’s all coming out now. If your reading this and you are looking for a job, do not, I repeat DO NOT get a job working with the public. Ever. Especially working for a car hire company. People think they are the only person in the entire world who has broken down and play up the fact that their own car has broken so they can ‘get free stuff’ or better value. Riiiigghht. Because I haven’t heard of all of that before.

What especially pisses me off is that they don’t seem to realise that because its a bank holiday and they have decided to go off ‘adventuring’ or whatever it is married couples with 7 ratty children do, it is also likely that over a million people have more or less decided to have the same idea. So don’t fucking give out to me if your waiting five extra minutes for me to call you or there are no cars available in your area. Get over it. Have your car serviced once in a while to prevent stuff like this happening in the first place.

They think their weekend is ruined. Do they not actually realise that they are speaking to someone who is fucking WORKING for the whole bank holiday?! Someone who doesn’t get paid any extra for it either. Someone who is inundated with mundane people with the same complaints. Stop giving out and sit back and look at the situation. You don’t even have to get the car hire. You are entitled to get public transport too, but no, people prefer having their own little bubble on the road and going through 10times more hassle to get that bubble instead of sitting on a bus with 20 more people. Get a fucking mp3 player and block it out like the rest of us. Get off your higher class horse, yes I’m talking to you Landrover drivers. You lot do my nut in, you really do. Audi drivers aren’t even as bad as you. You think because your propelled 2 feet higher in the air when you in that environment killing machine, that you have a god given right on the road and attitude when speaking to anyone else who doesn’t own one. Go fuck yourself.

I get immense pleasure by putting a Landrover driver in to a Nissan Micra. I cackle with glee. Quite pathetic actually. But yes this is what I do for kicks now. How sad is that?! hahahahaha

But angry rant over now, I’m watching Twilight and Rob is on the screen so I can’t stay angry for long… (”,) Oh and also I’ve found out that How To Be and Little Ashes is on presale in Amazon.co.uk… YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Having missed out on the film festival circuit I am DELIGHTED!!! This almost makes the shit day in work worth it!