I have made a catastrophic mistake. I mean a FUCKING MAJOR mistake.

None of this nampy pampy horse shit like ‘Oh no, I seem to have emailed the person I happened to be insulting’, or ‘Oh no, I seem to have forgotten to put on my trousers and now I’m outside!’


Believe me, this is much, much worse.

You know that rule that everyone generally knows… you know the one…

‘Thou shall not fool around with best friend of the opposite sex therefore completely ruining the best friendship a man and a woman can have’?????

Well I take it that you understand my predicument now.

Of course I fucking broke it!

He started it though. Him and his ‘moves’. Jesus talk about lack of subtlety! I wanted to laugh and say ‘Is that all you got Mr Swave’?

But no I sat there like a fucking idiot and let it happen.

You know what the worst thing is about this whole situation? The fact that it happened doesn’t even bother me, its what resulted from the hook up thats most mortifying. I’m going to set the scene so you can see for yourself.

Picture it. There we are, drinking and laughing at the tv, crashed out on the couch. He starts off with the whole ‘arm over the back of the couch’ move. The arm moves down to my arm and starts rubbing. At this stage I’m thinking ‘fuck it’ and cuddle on in. Cuddle cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss kiss. *yawn*  A ‘You coming to bed?’ from him, a ‘yeah sure’ from me. Go to bed. Things heat up. Yada yada yada.

No knocking of uglies by the way! Just want to make that clear!

Anyway, he’s entirely off the mark, I direct him, he pulls away, I look questionly at him, he says ‘your so funny’ and lies down on top of me. THATS IT!

I mean, I felt like tipping him on the shoulder and saying ‘are you actually going to finish that?!’

Seriously, what the fuck is that?!?!

He then rolls over and goes to sleep and fucking IGNORES me! This guy is my best friend! I can’t explain to you the humiliation and sadness that went through me as I fucking lay there. I heard him starting to snore and I had to just leave. I felt like such a cheap whore walking out of there. I can’t believe he did that to me. I mean, this is a guy who I trust with everything and he just completely fobs me off!

Doing that walk of shame at 5.30 in the morning and I didn’t even have an orgasm before hand to make it worth my fucking while. Mortifying!

Now I’m sitting at home, unable to sleep because I’m thinking of the ramifications of this. My best male friend had his mitts on my lady bits and awkwardness reins. What do you say to someone after that?! Fair enough, a one night stand! You can fuck them out straight after and never see them again, but someone you’ve known the best part of 8 years?!

Screwed. I am totally fucking screwed.


Christmas Shopping

December 14, 2008

I went against my better judgement and went Christmas shopping the other day. I didn’t manage to get much apart from an outfit for myself that was entirely unplanned and a few bits and pieces. I made a trip to Argos though and burst out laughing as soon as I opened the catalogue and was reminded by a sketch I saw the other day…

“The lamenated book of dreams! Its lamenated to catch the tears of joy!” Seriously I nearly fell out of the shop laughing! Worst thing was, I was actually on my own. So there I was, standing in the middle of a packed store at Christmas time, laughing manically at the lamenated book. I wouldn’t mind but I stayed over a half an hour in there wondering what to fucking get! The trolls working at the ‘delivery hatch’ didn’t help either.

Back to form… I think!

December 9, 2008

Well I just got burned!

Have you ever blocked someone on MSN because they were always a little too enthusiastic when speaking to you and you started to get really annoyed when ever you would speak to them?You’ve blocked them for quite some time and suddenly you see their name on your list and start to feel that small feeling of guilt burn in your belly? And then you do your charitable deed for the day and unblock them? And then as soon as you do they hop online and mail you in, what you know is a sweet and sugar coated annoying voice, ‘Hi!’….. Yes well that has just happened to me now and man do I feel burned! As soon as I saw that persons name appear on my screen all I could think was ‘Ah for fuck sake!’.

Anyway, my plan to blog every day has kind of backfired in my face. I’ve been very sick lately so I’m going to use that as an excuse… sort of.

So I’ve also gone back on my original idea of keeping my recently cleared computer from music and photos. I’ve gone on a rampage and downloaded any music, photos or software I can. The software was so that I could turn the .flav files into mp3’s so I suppose that doesn’t really count. I downloaded a Chemical Brothers album… one of the more recent ones, it has the Salmon Dance on it. Anyway I downloaded it because I’ve had an obsession with a certain song what was used in a certain ad with a certain male in it who I have also become obsessed with…

Mat Gordon… yum! 😀 Its quite pathetic actually, I’ve an entire folder worth of photos of him! And I know he’s gay which just make it worse! 😛 But man does he look sharp in a suit, or out of the suit, depends what photo I’m looking at! hahaha

*cough* anyway…. where was I… ah yes. Bill Bailey! So I watched ‘Part Troll’ again the other day and I forgot how much I loved that gig!! That guy is seriously a genius!

I want to download that BBC news theme and listen to it on a night out or something! hahaha It’d be like that Faithless gig I went to years ago, mad techno music in the middle of a field and everyone going insane and the music around you makes you feel like its the second coming or something! God I love that feeling! Same happened during Chemical Brothers at Oxegen years ago, Daft Punk two years ago and then this year at Electric Picnic when I was on my own with about 20 people, going insane at this random totem pole where there was a DJ box attached to it and this pumping rave music coming from it and surrounding us in the forest… god that was class!

Ok…flashback over.

Man my life isn’t half as exciting as it used to be! Maybe its because I’m not drinking as much.. HAHAHAHAHA!

What a depressing thought that is! I have to start going to more gigs, this whole poverty thing is not all its cracked up to be! I’m sick of missing out on stuff just because I have no money! When Christmas is over I’ll start!

Another random change in subject, I’ve been cleaning my room for the past 4 days and I still haven’t managed to dust, hoover, clear the hump of clothes off the floor or completely cleared my bedside locker from glasses and cups. I found a knife under my pillow last night! Thats how bad it is!!! hahaha! And did I bring it downstairs?! Oh no!! I just put it back under and told myself to remember it was there when I was fixing my pillow during the night! ROFL Seriously my level of laziness has risen in this past month. Before it was bad but now its gotten to the stage where I can’t remember what it was like before.

Somehow I still think it involved 4 million hair clips scattered on my bedroom floor…


Bit of a busy one!

December 1, 2008

Well I must say I have had a very busy week. Talking to photographers about furthering my career, graduating from college in a subject I no longer find interesting and going to Top Gear live and cemeting my loss of voice for the days following.

I have called in sick to work to ‘rest’ my voice. Yesterday was a nightmare as customers were shouting down the phone asking me to speak up as I wasn’t filling their hearing aid with the right amount of static to produce sound for them to argue to.

But it was all worth it. The Top Gear live was very interesting I must say. Sitting there in a cow shed, with fog hovering over the stage and a very messy hangover, you start to think if this was worth the wad of cash you forked out to see some of your idols act as kids for 75 minutes. However I was left amazed by the end of it. I lost track of the amount of times I thought I was going to witness a death before my eyes!

However I suprised myself by being excited by the exhibition afterwards. I didn’t think I would be the one drooling over a Jaguar but there I was, promising myself to marry well so that my well to do husband could buy me such a machine. God knows I’d never be able to afford one if left to my own devices.

Right I’m getting bored writing this. I knew I shouldn’t have started what I couldn’t finish. I’ll probably write something else today if my mind allows it.


Put in my place

November 18, 2008

I got given a load of cacti for my birthday a month ago. Don’t ask me why. Anyway my mam has been going on at me to water them as I have not done so since I got them. Now, cactus don’t need that much water right?!

Of course they don’t! So a fight started about the exact measurments an inch long cactis needs in water.

Of course I proceeded to go about watering the cactus in the most awkward way possible so I inevitably got stabbed a few times.

Finished with my work, I head downstairs. Just as I reached the last step my mam starts shouting at me again. Bit of banter actually. Anyway she comes out with the line ‘you can’t even be trusted to look after plants, never mind children’.ROFL

This was of course in reference to my younger siblings who I posted about earlier on in the week. The same little shits who have now labelled me a nag. I’m 22, I can’t look after plants or children and I am now a nag.

Spinster extraordinaire is right! 😀


November 15, 2008

Ahh Christmas. The time of year where the rich, the ignorant, the poor and the socially retarded people invade the streets with gusto.

Normally I don’t mind crowds, I just ignore them and elbow the bitch that shoves the tip of her umberella in my eye. But when you are trying to negociate the passage of shoppers with two belligerent children who are just as un-used to you as you are to them, things start to get a bit tricky.

However I persivered. I tried to get the children to gaze at the magical Christmas lights that shine overhead and line the streets like a fairy pathway. I failed. I forgot to take in to consideration the fact that this is a generation who has already seen the lights on tv, who don’t appreciate the simplicity of the gesture, all because they are used to more spectacular things on a regular basis.

Oh well. The thought was there. They found more amusment in hitting each other and slamming in to other shoppers with pointy bags, which was then of course that the tears started.

Serves them right the little shits.