I have made a catastrophic mistake. I mean a FUCKING MAJOR mistake.

None of this nampy pampy horse shit like ‘Oh no, I seem to have emailed the person I happened to be insulting’, or ‘Oh no, I seem to have forgotten to put on my trousers and now I’m outside!’

No.

Believe me, this is much, much worse.

You know that rule that everyone generally knows… you know the one…

‘Thou shall not fool around with best friend of the opposite sex therefore completely ruining the best friendship a man and a woman can have’?????

Well I take it that you understand my predicument now.

Of course I fucking broke it!

He started it though. Him and his ‘moves’. Jesus talk about lack of subtlety! I wanted to laugh and say ‘Is that all you got Mr Swave’?

But no I sat there like a fucking idiot and let it happen.

You know what the worst thing is about this whole situation? The fact that it happened doesn’t even bother me, its what resulted from the hook up thats most mortifying. I’m going to set the scene so you can see for yourself.

Picture it. There we are, drinking and laughing at the tv, crashed out on the couch. He starts off with the whole ‘arm over the back of the couch’ move. The arm moves down to my arm and starts rubbing. At this stage I’m thinking ‘fuck it’ and cuddle on in. Cuddle cuddle cuddle, kiss kiss kiss. *yawn*  A ‘You coming to bed?’ from him, a ‘yeah sure’ from me. Go to bed. Things heat up. Yada yada yada.

No knocking of uglies by the way! Just want to make that clear!

Anyway, he’s entirely off the mark, I direct him, he pulls away, I look questionly at him, he says ‘your so funny’ and lies down on top of me. THATS IT!

I mean, I felt like tipping him on the shoulder and saying ‘are you actually going to finish that?!’

Seriously, what the fuck is that?!?!

He then rolls over and goes to sleep and fucking IGNORES me! This guy is my best friend! I can’t explain to you the humiliation and sadness that went through me as I fucking lay there. I heard him starting to snore and I had to just leave. I felt like such a cheap whore walking out of there. I can’t believe he did that to me. I mean, this is a guy who I trust with everything and he just completely fobs me off!

Doing that walk of shame at 5.30 in the morning and I didn’t even have an orgasm before hand to make it worth my fucking while. Mortifying!

Now I’m sitting at home, unable to sleep because I’m thinking of the ramifications of this. My best male friend had his mitts on my lady bits and awkwardness reins. What do you say to someone after that?! Fair enough, a one night stand! You can fuck them out straight after and never see them again, but someone you’ve known the best part of 8 years?!

Screwed. I am totally fucking screwed.