January 11, 2009
Cigarettes smoked so far (7pm): 15
New Year, new resolutions awaiting to be broken. This blog for starters. I’m starting to keep a journal now so who knows, maybe it will help me organise my thoughts better when it comes to this thing. I’ve had trouble before when trying to write a blog. I end up sitting at the screen for about a half hour without writing anything and getting annoyed and heading to youtube and spending the rest of my time looking at stupid videos.
Anyway, today was an absolutely pitiful day. Pissing rain and a wind designed to cut you to the bejaysus. I wouldn’t mind it so much as it’s my day off and I would normally spend the day in bed, however with my mother in the scary sterile place (hospital), I’ve been forced in to a world of housekeeping and errands, something that I’m neither used to, or take pleasure in. As I sit here I’m still waiting to unpack the food shopping and clean the house.
So here came the problem, I had to go out in this weather. At least I didn’t have to stand at a bus stop because I was taxi-ing it the whole way. 30 quid a journey just to see my mum… I really should have started driving that first time round.
After the visit to the scary sterile place, my mother is fine by the way, I had to do a food shop. Nothing much I hear you say, however seeing as I haven’t bought any food other than patté since before Christmas (and which is the only thing that has been here to eat for the past 18 hours), there was some serious spending to be done. It wasn’t my money so I allowed the odd luxury or two. AKA a lovely, yummy bottle of vodka just for me.
Bit of advise. Never, and I repeat EVER do a food shop on an empty stomach. A part of my brain knew I was in the wrong when buying that oat cereal for €4, which I will probably take one bite out of and then take joy by watching it every day for the next two weeks growing mould in the press, however I was hungry and the larger part of my brain said ‘buy it and open some milk from the dairy section, rob a spoon, and dig in.’ I didn’t go with my instinct because the last thing I wanted to do on a Sunday evening was make a scene in Dunnes and be thrown back out in to the cold.
Strange people congrigate in supermarkets. I don’t know if it’s just the light but everyone looks on the verge of death. That and they have serious attitude problems. At one stage I had this knacker teenager and her even scrawnier mother following me around the frozen food section, constantly getting in my way. I was on the verge of slapping the two of them over the head with a leg of lamb, that was on special offer for €4.99 for those of you who want to know. Again I resisted temptation. I’m quite proud of myself actually.
Ok I’m going to get on with the real reason why I went to Dunnes on a Sunday evening in the pissing rain. I have had a plan formulating in my head for the past, well… day to be honest. There is a guy I once hooked up with in my first year in college, who was spectacularly out of my league, and he just so happens to work in that certain supermarket. Now if he’s working there because he’s still in college (which I’m hoping) or he’s just failed in life already like I have (which is most likely), I’m still a bit disappointed. I need a man who can look after me because its not looking like I’m going to get a real job soon, not by choice you understand because I still have absolutely no idea what the hell it is I’m qualified for.
Anyway. This plan. I want him. There I’ve said it. I remember I would see him on the bus to college once out of every three months and he would always stare at me but I’d just look away with a tomato face and then continue to get extremely clumsy and fall down the stairs when getting off! I’ve seen him once in a while here and there and he would look directly at me and I would do the same thing, blush and walk in to something. But tonight was going to be different. He would be there and I was going to take the initiative and talk to him. Or something. Well not really… my plan was actually to look at him when he looked at me and stare at him until he talked to me. Either that or ram him with my trolly. I didn’t want to resort to the last one unless it was a last resort, knowing my luck I’d probably cripple the fucker.
So there I was, walking around the supermarket with my ‘I seem to have forgotten where I am and how I got here’ expression and I see him. He walked passed my isle, on the way somewhere else no doubt, and he saw me. However my plan of ‘seduction’ didn’t quite go as planned. He was looking at me the whole time he went passed the isle, I crashed my trolly in to an obstacle and walked in to my own trolly. I don’t know what the obstacle was, it could have been a terrified child for all I know, all I do know is that when I looked up from my trolly he was gone. I didn’t want to hang around at the scene of the crime so I got myself out of there.
My shopping trip was a disaster. I didn’t get to stare at my boy, I bruised my stomach, I bought food that I probably won’t eat and I’ve scarred a child for life. Well at least I think I did anyway. The idea doesn’t unsettle me as much as I thought it would for some reason.
I’ll just have to go back next week and perform the same embarrassing ritual again. Maybe if I stare at him and raise my eyebrows suggestively, he won’t not only talk to me, but give me his number too. Here’s hoping.
I better put this food away, I think my frozen food has become…unfrozen and my fresh milk is starting to turn.